I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
The best revenge is premature balding
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
