I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
