with your own penis?
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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