if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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