atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
