i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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