I will die if light touches me.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
