i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
