Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
