I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
