when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
