no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
not ubering you a puppy
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
