She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
