Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
