For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
