Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
