im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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