It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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