Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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