I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
