you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize