his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Even my vagina gasped.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
