Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Well I just put wine in my tea
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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