That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
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I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
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i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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