I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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