is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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