She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
