a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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