We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
