Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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