In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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