I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
She's the barista slut.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
