You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
