i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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