It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
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I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
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I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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