Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
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Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
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Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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