i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
