Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize