i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
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You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
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You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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