I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
