You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
