she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
