I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
