Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
