If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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