Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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