turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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