Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
