Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
