i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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