My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
