I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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