I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize