how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
