He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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