Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
