8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
