I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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