I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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