Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
you made out with another girl for some wings
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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