So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.