I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
So many bounce houses so little time
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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