the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
