My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
21 Distraught People Found Out They Had An STD
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.