I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
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