i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
