I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
