If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer