Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(917): View more from New York City

My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".

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(314): View more from Missouri

great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter

(1-314): View more from Missouri

at least I said it was good

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(908): View more from New Jersey

While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."

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(530): View more from California

If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...

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Some Animals Are Total Jerks (10+ pics)
Read it at the TFLN blog
(805): View more from California

You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.

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(347): View more from New York

Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.

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(201): View more from New Jersey

Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?

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(310): View more from California

note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.

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