Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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