You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.