Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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