my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
