man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
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