This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I still have a little drunk in my system
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Randomize
