I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
