i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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