Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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