They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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