am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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